I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
