Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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