I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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