we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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