No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
