Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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