Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
