Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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