Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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