I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
