plz talk dirty to me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
