I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
