Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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