I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
