i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
