I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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