u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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