i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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