Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
