That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
