this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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