Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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