it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A+ Viking dick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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