For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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