She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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