omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
