well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
