The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My cat gives me a boner
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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