peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches