i would punch a child for taco bell
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.