If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.