dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?