I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
