I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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