I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
