Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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