Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
