if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You can't special order awesome
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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