you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
