You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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