He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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