how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's always time for handjobs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
