she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
