just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
