On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
