Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
