she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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