Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
