SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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