and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
