she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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