"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
