i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
