why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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