Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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