I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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