It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
