the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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