she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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