I'm really into asian looking animals
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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