She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize