i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
