i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
