I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
