Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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