there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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