I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
