She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
