You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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