I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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